An evening at the cinema is pleasant way for young gentlemen to loosen their ties after a stressful week and bond over the latest blockbuster. On a recent outing, I enjoyed just such an evening with my closest friends. We met in the mall parking garage, and I wore my “going out” clothes. Ceremonial occasions call for ceremonial dress. I had on a smart pair of corduroys and a fine argyle sweater. My good sneakers complimented the sweater and completed the look.
As we walked into the mall discussing the week at school and sharing opinions on the fairer sex, one of my friends stopped me and told me, with laughter in his eyes, that I had a dryer sheet stuck to my sweater. The others had a laugh at my expense, all in good fun, but afterwards I explained:
“I am completely aware of the dryer sheet. I did it on purpose.” Each of their faces turned to varying degrees of bewilderment and skepticism. They were apparently confused by my ingenuity—as most men of my circles are.
“Why?” they asked.
Why (may I ask) not! A dryer sheet can be a frugal yet sophisticated way to enhance your attire, a sartorial flourish that invites positive attention when applied correctly.
Dryer Sheets Are about Style, Not Fashion
Firstly, if I’ve got a dryer sheet stuck on my back, the implication is that I am clean. I’ve got on freshly laundered clothes and I’ve most likely taken a shower in the past day or two. My smell invokes the imagery classic workwear, redolent of a meadow of lavender deep in the hills of Ireland after a spring morning mist.
Fragrance has always been a discipline better understood by women, but cleanliness is an important thing for men to consider. Being clean is about style, not fashion. While trends come and go, True Style endures.
But let us not forget how important it is to choose a sheet of proper provenance. In the world of classic menswear, Bounce and Downy are respectable and sophisticated. Snuggle is fashion forward. Great Value is neither.
Consider the Sweater/Dryer Sheet/Posterior Nexus
At the risk of getting too technical, let me ask you to consider the sweater/dryer sheet/posterior nexus:
Obviously the dryer sheet comes with its intrinsic value and connotations, but one does not simply cling a dryer sheet to his cardigan and call it sprezzatura, just as a man is not a gentleman simply because he wears white gloves to the opera.
Careful placement of a dryer sheet upon one’s wardrobe allows the wearer to attract attention wherever he may desire. My personal preference is where the bottom of the sweater meets the seat of the trousers, though your mileage may vary. You may choose to draw eyes to the chest area if you’ve spent valuable time on those pecs.
Good, Cheap, Fast: Pick Dryer Sheets
George Bryan “Beau” Brummel, the most stylish gentleman in history, famously spent much of the day curating an outfit that looked like he just threw it together, but the modern, style-conscious young gentleman does not have time for such exquisite propriety. Leave that to the dandies of Pitti Oumo. A Practical American Male requires a no-nonsense solution to woes of looking good on a budget. And the dryer sheet is his deus ex machina.
If I’ve got a dryer sheet stuck to my sweater, it’s safe to assume I’ve done my own laundry (dryer sheets rarely go unnoticed after dear mother has finished the folding), and so, I am skilled in the ways of clothes-washing enough to use not only detergent, but dryer sheets and perhaps even fabric softener.
What’s more, a man who has money to spend on such luxuries probably has a little extra coin for that special someone. I’ve evidently forgotten to check my clothes for the dryer sheet, but some people find a little bachelor ignorance cute. Call it sprezzatura, call it studied nonchalance—I call it effective.
After explaining this to my mates, their faces of bewilderment shifted to mild awe, and eventually acceptance. I told them a correct amount of confidence, an ain’t-nobody-dope-as-me attitude, is required to pull this off, and as they pondered my explanation, I winked at a passing lass.
She looked me up and down incredulously, but she was at such an angle that she must not have noticed my dryer sheet. This is also important to consider. If they cannot see the dryer sheet, it holds no value. Be sure to flaunt it whenever possible, maybe give ’em a twirl.